Squatters have just moved in

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ALIB
Posts: 1548
Joined: 12 Oct 2006 21:34
Location: East Sussex

Re: Squatters have just moved in

Post by ALIB »

I walked past the house this morning. I am caught in a dilema. On one hand an empty house is now benefitting some homeless people.
On the other hand some benefit scroungers are using someone elses property.

The sign on the gate is full of legal terms, so the occupiers obviously know what they are doing.
Something about occupying an empty property and there is always someone in the house at all times, blah, blah
excuse my useless attempt to insert a picture


[img][img]http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5091/550 ... c4e8dc.jpg[/img]
march 7 2011 013[/img]

mummycat
Posts: 576
Joined: 8 May 2007 12:10
Location: not se26

Re: Squatters have just moved in

Post by mummycat »

Well, I had a funny feeling it was 11, Westwood Hill (Willow Lodge) you were talking about....

http://www.sydenhamsociety.com/2011/01/ ... r-housing/

ALIB
Posts: 1548
Joined: 12 Oct 2006 21:34
Location: East Sussex

Re: Squatters have just moved in

Post by ALIB »

This is going to be a very costly mistake for someone who left the site accessible

bigbadwolf
Posts: 726
Joined: 7 Jan 2008 21:21
Location: Forest Hill and Sydenham

Re: Squatters have just moved in

Post by bigbadwolf »

ALIB wrote:This is going to be a very costly mistake for someone who left the site accessible.
Not necessarily, ALIB.

I think we're all focusing a little too hard on the negative aspect of what could be a lot of fun. OK, the building has been occupied by squatters; but what's to say the owners - if they were that way inclined - aren't allowed to have some fun of their own?

I'd start the ball gently rolling with some fairly tame psychological abuse. Creep in at night and start slamming a few doors over the period of about a week, disturbing the troublesome tenants' sleeping patterns. I'd then up the ante by playing a recording of a woman quietly moaning and sobbing during the early hours of the morning; and then swap to a recording of a baby crying during the night; serruptitiously implying that the ghosts of a mother and her child may be haunting the building.

Phase two would see the introduction of the occult element of the 'game'. Wait until they've gone out to buy more drugs or joss sticks, and place a dead animal or two in their sleeping bags; cap it all off by scrawling some foreboding latin portents on some of the walls.

Phase three is will include the most risky part; you're going to have to take one of them captive. The easy choice would be one of the no-doubt dreadlocked lesbians that make-up this troupe of scroungers, but my advice would be to target one of the male occupants, implying that you're strong enough in numbers and resolve to overcome one of the stronger members of the pack. Wait until he's wandered from the safety of the herd, then throw a bag over his head and knock him unconscious with a spade. You must then ideally lock him in a trunk freezer, or anything that resembles a coffin, and drill a hole to let in some air. You must then imply that you mean business by loudly sharpening a set of knives beside his makeshift cell/tomb. You must then make him submit to a recording of him pleading to his fellow trespassers that he doesn't have much air left and that he's seen one of his shadowy captors actually walk through a brick wall. You must then deposit these recordings - that's audio contents will increase in severity over the next few days - by whichever means possible i.e - throwing it through an open window; or attaching the cassette around the neck of a black cat.

Phase four is the end game. You will record and deliver (via previously explained method) a simulation of your prisoner's ritual killing with a recording of a chainsaw cutting through a joint of pork. Apply a flame to your prisoner to induce the required amount of screaming. You can actually kill him or enslave latter on if you wish. The final part of this grizzly hoax must include a warning, between long, deep breathing, that if the rest of his fellow vagabonds don't vacate your property by nightfall, that they'll awake the next morning buried under 3 inches of concrete with only a straw to breath through.


P.s. If the owners of this building are reading, and choose to go through with this course of action, please let us all know how it all went; some pictures would be kinda cool, too.

CaptainCarCrash
Posts: 2852
Joined: 23 Jun 2009 20:04
Location: Even further than before

Re: Squatters have just moved in

Post by CaptainCarCrash »

bigbadwolf wrote:
ALIB wrote:This is going to be a very costly mistake for someone who left the site accessible.
Not necessarily, ALIB.

I think we're all focusing a little too hard on the negative aspect of what could be a lot of fun. OK, the building has been occupied by squatters; but what's to say the owners - if they were that way inclined - aren't allowed to have some fun of their own?

I'd start the ball gently rolling with some fairly tame psychological abuse. Creep in at night and start slamming a few doors over the period of about a week, disturbing the troublesome tenants' sleeping patterns. I'd then up the ante by playing a recording of a woman quietly moaning and sobbing during the early hours of the morning; and then swap to a recording of a baby crying during the night; serruptitiously implying that the ghosts of a mother and her child may be haunting the building.

Phase two would see the introduction of the occult element of the 'game'. Wait until they've gone out to buy more drugs or joss sticks, and place a dead animal or two in their sleeping bags; cap it all off by scrawling some foreboding latin portents on some of the walls.

Phase three is will include the most risky part; you're going to have to take one of them captive. The easy choice would be one of the no-doubt dreadlocked lesbians that make-up this troupe of scroungers, but my advice would be to target one of the male occupants, implying that you're strong enough in numbers and resolve to overcome one of the stronger members of the pack. Wait until he's wandered from the safety of the herd, then throw a bag over his head and knock him unconscious with a spade. You must then ideally lock him in a trunk freezer, or anything that resembles a coffin, and drill a hole to let in some air. You must then imply that you mean business by loudly sharpening a set of knives beside his makeshift cell/tomb. You must then make him submit to a recording of him pleading to his fellow trespassers that he doesn't have much air left and that he's seen one of his shadowy captors actually walk through a brick wall. You must then deposit these recordings - that's audio contents will increase in severity over the next few days - by whichever means possible i.e - throwing it through an open window; or attaching the cassette around the neck of a black cat.

Phase four is the end game. You will record and deliver (via previously explained method) a simulation of your prisoner's ritual killing with a recording of a chainsaw cutting through a joint of pork. Apply a flame to your prisoner to induce the required amount of screaming. You can actually kill him or enslave latter on if you wish. The final part of this grizzly hoax must include a warning, between long, deep breathing, that if the rest of his fellow vagabonds don't vacate your property by nightfall, that they'll awake the next morning buried under 3 inches of concrete with only a straw to breath through.


P.s. If the owners of this building are reading, and choose to go through with this course of action, please let us all know how it all went; some pictures would be kinda cool, too.

http://www.nhsdirect.nhs.uk/

I'm sure they can help you BBW.


:evil: :twisted: :evil: :twisted: :lol: :lol: :evil: :twisted: :twisted:

bensonby
Posts: 1650
Joined: 18 Jun 2008 12:28
Location: Kent

Re: Squatters have just moved in

Post by bensonby »

ALIB wrote:The sign on the gate is full of legal terms, so the occupiers obviously know what they are doing.
not necesarily. there are loads of templates that can be downloaded: http://www.squatter.org.uk/index.php?op ... &Itemid=31

Most of them (including this one) are actually quite inaccurate legally speaking.

Mark C
Posts: 1
Joined: 9 Mar 2011 15:26
Location: Petts Wood

Re: Squatters have just moved in

Post by Mark C »

Hi,

I don't suppose anybody who saw the squatters move in or has had any dealings with them would like to chat to me about it for a possible article? If you're interested, give me a call on 01689 885714. Thanks.

Mark Chandler
News Shopper

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